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Ninja movies so bad, they're funny


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#1 VXbinaca

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Posted 31 May 2008 - 09:51 AM

Richard Harrison, an actor of minor note in the 60's, stared in a series of really really bad ninja movies made in the 80's. He always played a ninja named Gordon.

How bad? Check this clip out. Be sure to put your drink down as you'll splurt it out your nose all over your monitor and keyboard:



One of the films I'm buying The Ninja Squad, lots of machine gun action:



Richard Harrison is in the middle of that clip (the middle aged white ninja), in the temple or wherever, he isnt fighting. But theres a series of like 15 movies where he plays this Gordon ninja over a span of like 10 years.

And it gets even better. The director filmed maybe, 3 or 4 films with him. The rest are clips from those films or others, edited together to make new movies.

The best I can do is finding 6 of the movies on DVD either as stand alone films or apart of a double pack. Just over $20 shipped and I guarantee you over half the price is shipping as I elected to get used copies to save money (and I saved a lot). I got one for as low as 61 cents and the highest i paid for a disc before shipping was $4.24.

Sadly, most of his Ninja films are on VHS, and not available on DVD at all. Hopefully one day someone will release them all on DVD in one pack I can buy. Two of them I may not have yet bought are in a 50 movie (12 DVD) pack, depending on the lowest price I can get i may get this pack as well.
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#2 Nidrah

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Posted 31 May 2008 - 10:37 AM

Your taste in humor is odd. I tend to find really bad things really bad, not funny. That clip to me was just uninteresting. Guess I had to be there :/

#3 Elscire

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Posted 31 May 2008 - 12:25 PM

What you really need, VX, is some HIGH SPEED NINJA ACTION.
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#4 Theduardo

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Posted 31 May 2008 - 02:09 PM

Where do I get the headbands which say "Ninja" in English? Thats how they teach you in ninja school to identify another ninja.

Thanks VX! Those were awesome!
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#5 VXbinaca

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Posted 31 May 2008 - 04:54 PM

Your taste in humor is odd. I tend to find really bad things really bad, not funny. That clip to me was just uninteresting. Guess I had to be there :/


I'll explain why it's funny (to me):

- English is spoken by most the actors yet theres dubbing, and out of sync dubbing at that. This is hilarious.
- The costumes. My god, the costumes. Rarw colours. Who wears a yellow or red ninja suit?
- Joseph Lai/Godfrey Ho movies all have the same plot. Same characteristics. I wonder what became of those people.
- Overdone dubbing in of sound effects.
- Richard Harrison is clearly white, yet in the stunt/fight scenes, after he puts his hood up, he magically shortens a foot and gets slanted asian eyes.
- The polt is incoherent and never properly explained.
- Bad editing.

This is how awesomely bad, not just King Kong (2007) remake bad, or Micheal Bay/Jerry Brockheimer bad, which is where they tried to make a good movie, spent a ton of money, and it looks like shit because their vision as film makers is shit. But this is how bad those movies are. They're so bad, they're funny.

Godfrey Ho just wanted to make cheap ninja movies, and did not care about plot cohesion or continuity or the fact the only kind of edit he knows how to do is whats known as a "slam" in the industry (a hard transition to scenes, like cutting a pasting, yeah I know my movies). We're talking right after a line of dialog, up to half a second after the word, it cuts right to another scene in another place, typically with a loud sound effect playing. Normally when you see this in a theater it's the result of an inexperienced teenage or elderly projectionist and wasn't intended by the director, he flipped the reel on too soon. These ninja films, are edited this way. They contain, from what I can tell, near constant slamming.

Slams are getting rarer and rarer now days with the advent of CGI and better editors. But on cheap movies like this, from a few decades ago imported from Asia, be prepared to see some bad editing.


Where do I get the headbands which say "Ninja" in English? Thats how they teach you in ninja school to identify another ninja.

Thanks VX! Those were awesome!


How does one stumble onto the existence of such movies?

Well actually I've known about their existence since last year. UK artist Hexstatic made a song (Ninjatune, it's good go look it up), complete with dialog and dubbed in effects from Ninja Commandments. I just knew nothing about the films, and assumed (incorrectly) that it was only one movie and that this was about the extent of it's presence on Youtube. Thankfully, a youtube user tipped me off via a comment to look up "The Ninja Commandments" on youtube, and the rest was easy.

Here's a complete listing of Richard Harrison's ninja movies (bold are ones I just bought, at a very reduced price)

# Ninja Terminator (1985)
# Ninja Holocaust (1985)
# Ninja Champion (1985)
# Ninja Thunderbolt (1985)
# Diamond Ninja Force (1986)
# Ninja Hunt (1986)
# Ninja Dragon (1986)
# Golden Ninja Warrior (1986)
# Ninja Squad (1986)
# Ninja the Protector (1986)
# Cobra vs. Ninja (1987)
# Ninja Kill (1987)
# Ninja Commandments (1987)
# Ninja Operation: Licensed to Terminate (1987)
# Ninja: Silent Assassin (1987)
# Ninja Avengers (1987)
# Ninja Strike Force (1988)
# Ninja Powerforce (1988)

Edited by VXbinaca, 31 May 2008 - 05:07 PM.

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#6 VXbinaca

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Posted 31 May 2008 - 05:16 PM

Ok Ninja Champion appears to be apart of a $16 pack of 12 DVD's (50 movies) of martial arts films. A few obscure Bruce Lee and JAckie Chan movies are in there bust most are rare and obscure Hong Kong movies. I'll bite in a month and buy it.
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#7 Dan Keizer

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Posted 01 June 2008 - 08:16 AM

# Ninja Terminator (1985)


I had that one back in the day, I think I recorded over it. Isn't it the one where those 2 dudes go into a bar or whatever and there's a 50 year old chick dancing topless?

Does the 3 Ninjas series count in this thread? Each film is a 90 minute assault on bad guys' testicles.




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